Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
