oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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