Yo dont text me then not text me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
