I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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