She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
