Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
