Porn is love you can see.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
