Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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