The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
