Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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