'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
