I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
