Just fell off a train. Bad.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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