I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
