note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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