I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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