Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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