if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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