cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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