if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
