So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just tell him i said nine months
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
