Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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