He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
