I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
