The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
