his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
