So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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