god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
