So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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