I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
