I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize