it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
