K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
