Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
