I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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