sarcasm needs its own font
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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