hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
