Are we in a gay sports bar?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My feet surprised me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
