what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
