i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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