I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
