Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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