Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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