I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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