just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
