sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
