You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
