ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
