I wish I could teleport
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
this just has baby written all over it
two words...techno handjob
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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