dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
