i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
