Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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