I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
