im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
