Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
