i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
