My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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