Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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