No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
