just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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