Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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