Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
