Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
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Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
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He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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